AU where Stiles is a bus driver and one day Derek sees this beautiful, beautiful young man walking around with bus driver’s ID clipped on and from that point on he’s hooked and starts riding the bus to work every day even though he’s got a Camaro and maybe he just wants to do his part to help the environment Laura, shut up, and over the next six months Derek watches Stiles drive his bus trying to work up the nerve to go talk to him
i’m equal parts in love with the idea that Stiles can read lips and sees him giving himself pep talks to work up the nerve to talk to stiles and the idea that Stiles is pretty sure Derek is going to serial kill him.
And then maybe one day Derek decides he’s gonna do it and he rides the bus all the way to the last stop and Stiles pulls out a taser and is like okay dude! My dad is law enforcement.
And it’s probably not even the worst attempt at asking someone out for Derek.
This is it. Today is the day.
Derek glances at the bus schedule in his hands, and flicks his eyes up towards the display. Rosemary Street is the last stop before the bus goes back to its docking station, and they just pulled away from the curb. Now all Derek has to do is wait.
He’s got the words in his head, and he’s mouthing them quietly to himself when it finally pulls to a stop, and Derek pushes himself up off his usual seat, takes a perfunctory look around the area to see he hasn’t left anything. Steeling his nerves, he walks calmly down the aisle, though his calm facade was kind of shattered by the way his palms had begun to sweat as they clutched the strap of his messenger bag like a lifeline. Once he gets closer to the front, he notices Stiles eyeing him warily, and when he opens his mouth to speak, Stiles lifts up a-
Is that a fucking taser?
"Don’t fucking try anything, buddy," he warns, his voice shaky. "My dad’s in law enforcement, I’ve got them on speed dial. And I know three different ways to disarm people," he continues, his eyes wide.
Derek’s jaw drops.
"Yeah, doesn’t look like it, huh," Stiles puffs up, proud. "But I can, and I don’t want any trouble. So you can just, go, now."
"I don’t want to hurt you," Derek tries, and shit, this is not how he imagined this going at all.
Stiles snorts. “I’m sure, but you’re not getting my wallet. Not that I have much in it, but it’s the principle of the thing. Scram!” he insists.
"I don’t want to rob you, oh my god,” Derek exclaims, exasperated. The sheer absurdity of the situation seems to have made him forget his earlier nervousness. He waves at the taser in Stiles’ hand. “Put that down, are those even legal?”
Stiles eyes him suspiciously.
"No, but I’m not going to get arrested for it, not in this town," he says, lowering the hand with the taser slowly. "If you don’t want to rob me, why’d you stay until the end of the line?"
"I… wanted to ask you out," Derek finally sighs, before gesturing at Stiles. "Obviously I’m not very good at it."
"You did?" Stiles’ voice is filled with awe, and Derek scowls.
"I do,” he corrects grumpily, and Stiles beams at him. There’s no way Derek can keep frowning when he’s so close to something so beautiful. “I was gathering up my courage.”
"Oh man, that is adorable,” Stiles breathes, before stepping closer to Derek. “You need to work on your communication skills, man.” He wrinkles his nose. “And your social skills. I thought you were a serial killer.” Derek’s eyebrows furrow in offense, and Stiles reaches up to smooth them out with his fingers. “I’m sure they’re in there somewhere, right?” he blinks up at Derek hopefully, and Derek doesn’t stand a chance.
"The last time I asked someone out, I made her cry and she punched me in the face," he admits, and Stiles collapses into his shoulder, cackling.
Derek doesn’t really mind.
i want so badly to ignore this and just get on with my life, considering that i’m in the midst of tour and traveling the US right now, but it’s clear that I can’t escape this. this is a very long post, i am keeping it under a cut.
additionally, at least until tumblr moves on from this, my askbox is off. it is a nightmare. i can’t deal with it right now.
so. I was an invited panelist at Dashcon, and I was on 10 panels over the weekend. my name is mark, I run Mark Reads and Mark Watches, and have been doing so for 5 years next month. (HOLY SHIT THAT IS A LONG TIME.) I have been attending cons for over a decade and been speaking at them as a panelist or a guest since 2011. Including my own tour events outside of cons, I have participated in over 150 “panels,” ranging from 50 minutes to 4 hours. I’m including this upfront because I’ve already been accused of being a 16-year-old nobody who doesn’t know what he’s doing at cons and is ruining fandom. Also, I’m apparently white and straight. ALSO THIS IS A MESS.
I went to an Arab-American comedy night and there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football.
"I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else’s god?"
This is what jokes about religion are supposed to look like.
yeah seriously tell us how wizardry’s done in the new world tell me how the wizards from france and spain and britain stamped out the brujos and the medicine men and set up their own schools tell me what the fuck the british raj did to fucking india because the patel twins are going to school in scotland and what are they told about their history, tell me about native american kids learning to say wingardium leviosa with hate in their hearts and tell me about wizarding rabbis bickering about whether you can use potions on the sabbath tell me about the slaves on their ships with their wands broken, mouthing curses in the dark tell me about the runaways that made it with garter snakes wrapped around their wrists that told them when they tasted dogs in the distance, tell me about the underground railroad and abolitionists with unbreakable vows and home-spun invisibility cloaks and disilusionments, using obliviate, using imperio, knowing that they served a higher justice, tell me about what happened to black wizards in the fifties, about what gates they were storming in the sixties tell me about queer wizards taking love potions every morning in their coffee to stay married to their husbands and their wives because what else could they do?
the world only begins and ends with straight white christians if you don’t bother looking any farther than that and too many people don’t and i am tired, tired, tired
please love yourself as much as anthony mackie loves the falcon
My favourite part in Order of the Phoenix is when Harry and Sirius are playing hide and seek in the Ministry and Sirius is being silly behind the veil then he jumps out at Harry like “Haha found you!” and then they laugh and high five and go out for ice cream at Fortescue’s.